{"id":476,"date":"2025-05-01T14:36:35","date_gmt":"2025-05-01T14:36:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/?p=476"},"modified":"2025-05-01T14:40:16","modified_gmt":"2025-05-01T14:40:16","slug":"guilty-for-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/blog\/2025\/05\/01\/guilty-for-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Guilty for Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"\u99ae\u5141\u8b19 Jay Fung - \u56e0\u611b\u4e4b\u7f6a\u540d Love Crime (Official Music Video)\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/GuRrVpfNgOc?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Winter in Vancouver. The streetlights cast a misty frost, like a ghost from the past wandering in the quiet corners of the campus. Nathan hurried past the back door of the library, his steps quick. Inside his backpack was only a nearly falling-apart notebook \u2014 filled with doubts about existence, and one name: <strong>Lilith<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The first time he saw Lilith was a month ago at a sparsely attended campus poetry reading. He was sitting in the last row, hood pulled over his head, and she appeared \u2014 silent, sitting down without a sound. Her long hair was unnaturally smooth, skin pale but not sickly, eyes black like they had swallowed every star.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan forgot how to breathe for a moment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Since then, every night had been haunted by her. It wasn\u2019t anything she <em>did<\/em> \u2014 she <em>awakened<\/em> something. Suppressed desires. Lust and guilt no one had ever explained to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He was a virgin \u2014 not because of religion or shame, but because no one had ever caught his eye. Well-mannered, academically gifted, with a fastidiousness toward both the body and emotions. Lilith didn\u2019t say anything, yet shattered every boundary he\u2019d built.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Their first kiss happened on a platform near an abandoned train station. No one around. Cold wind, rust, the scent of old paint \u2014 it all matched Lilith&#8217;s aura perfectly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She said, \u201cYou know, the most beautiful touch isn\u2019t when you love me. It\u2019s when you don\u2019t even know you\u2019re making a mistake.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In that moment, Nathan kissed her. Not out of courage, but from completely giving up his principles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith\u2019s tongue was cold \u2014 not bone-chilling, but hauntingly addictive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>From then on, every night felt different. He started hallucinating \u2014 dreaming of being entangled with her in a pool of blood. Sometimes his spine ached, like something was growing inside. He once asked her:<br>\u201cWho are you?\u201d<br>She answered, \u201cI\u2019m your future evidence of sin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When Nathan woke, his sheets were wet.<br>Not sweat. Not semen. Blood \u2014 <strong>his<\/strong> blood.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>There was a bite on his chest. Not deep, but distinct. He wasn\u2019t surprised. It was as if he\u2019d expected it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith sat at his desk, flipping through his notebook, eyes darting like a cat\u2019s.<br>\u201cYou\u2019re not going to ask what I did last night?\u201d<br>\u201cI know what you did,\u201d Nathan said, sitting up and wiping the wound with a T-shirt. \u201cYou drank my blood.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith didn\u2019t deny it \u2014 she just smiled. That smile was too quiet, like a funeral.<br>\u201cI\u2019m not human. You\u2019re starting to see it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan looked at her, his throat itchy and dry \u2014 he didn\u2019t know whether it was fear, anger, or arousal.<br>\u201cHow old are you?\u201d<br>\u201cThis year? I suppose I\u2019m 106. I was already like this when the Spanish flu hit in 1919,\u201d she said flatly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWhy did you choose me?\u201d<br>\u201cBecause you\u2019re pure. So pure I wanted to stain you.\u201d Her voice was gentle, but her words cut like knives. \u201cAnd because you\u2019re willing to sacrifice. You don\u2019t even protect yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan laughed \u2014 a little mad.<br>\u201cSo I attracted you not because I loved you, but because I taste good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith stepped closer, tracing his collarbone with her finger.<br>\u201cNo, Nathan. I love you \u2014 only, my way of loving is <strong>to consume<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She whispered in his ear:<br>\u201cDo you know how deeply I kissed you when you were crying?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In that moment, a lyric flashed through his mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>No way to wipe away<br>Blood and tears<br>Carrying the guilt<br>How can I sleep?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He always knew loving Lilith was wrong \u2014 but it was <em>beautifully<\/em> wrong. Every night, he didn\u2019t want to wake up. Every drop of blood felt like it was stitching their souls together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou know what you\u2019re doing?\u201d Nathan asked in a low voice.<br>\u201cI do. I\u2019m using you to extend my existence,\u201d she said, looking at him without flinching. \u201cBut you don\u2019t understand \u2014 I\u2019m not doing this out of fear of death. I\u2019m addicted. You\u2019ve given me a taste I\u2019ve never had before.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cAm I your slave or your lover?\u201d<br>\u201cI can\u2019t tell.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The night was pitch-black \u2014 not just because the moon wasn\u2019t out, but because in Nathan\u2019s eyes, he saw nothing but Lilith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They snuck into the lab together, stole equipment, blood samples, and a container of unknown liquid.<br>\u201cWhat do you need these for?\u201d Nathan asked.<br>Lilith carefully packed test tubes into her bag. \u201cTo see\u2026 if I can survive just on refrigerated plasma instead of human blood. Maybe\u2026 I\u2019ll feel less guilty.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou feel guilt?\u201d Nathan raised an eyebrow.<br>\u201cNo. But I know <em>you<\/em> do,\u201d she replied, glancing back at him, cold eyes flickering with fire.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Silently, they crossed campus to the edge of the back hill \u2014 an abandoned greenhouse. It had become their hideout. An old couch. A table strewn with worn books. A dusty radio \u2014 often playing only fragments of lyrics:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The deeper the pain\u2026<br>The nobler\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They lay on the couch, not speaking. Just breathing in sync.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then Lilith bent down and bit Nathan\u2019s collarbone \u2014 not deeply, more like an intrusive kiss.<br>\u201cYou know,\u201d she whispered, \u201cthe more you hurt, the more real love feels to me.\u201d<br>\u201cAnd do you know,\u201d he said, \u201cthe more I let you bite me, the less human I feel.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Neither said it, but both knew \u2014 their obsession wasn\u2019t emotional.<br>It was this unspoken truth: <strong>\u201cOnly you make me someone else.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few days later, the campus was abuzz \u2014 a professor had gone missing, the lab destroyed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan stared blankly at the newspaper.<br>Lilith was by the window, sipping from a blood bag. Quietly.<br>\u201cIt wasn\u2019t me,\u201d she said suddenly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan didn\u2019t ask, but he already knew.<br>\u201cI didn\u2019t kill him to drink his blood. I killed him\u2026 because he tried to rape you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou saying that \u2014 is it for comfort? Or do you want me to accept you\u2019re a murderer?\u201d Nathan asked.<br>\u201cI want you to know I can kill \u2014 but only to protect you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan looked at her, slumping like a drowned man into his chair.<br>\u201cAnd me? When will <em>I<\/em> become you?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith knelt before him, her eyes twin black holes.<br>\u201cWhen you start to feel like killing someone isn\u2019t a problem \u2014 then you\u2019ll be my accomplice.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nathan no longer asked if she bit him out of love. He no longer questioned whether he was man or monster.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He only knew this:<br>Every night at 7 p.m., the greenhouse heating failed. The air grew damp and cold \u2014 just enough to keep his nerves alert.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Shirtless, he sat with his back against the moldy couch.<br>The radio fuzzed out distorted lyrics:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>No I can\u2019t stop myself tonight\u2026<br>Love doesn\u2019t need to be let go\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith entered. Her footsteps unwavering \u2014 like a play long rehearsed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She didn\u2019t speak. Just lowered her head, licking the scar on Nathan\u2019s chest, then bit \u2014 not all at once, but teasing, her fangs grazing before piercing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The moment blood spurted out \u2014 Nathan got hard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He wasn\u2019t ashamed. His body accepted the sensation honestly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Pain mingled with pleasure, flooding his nerves. His hips arched, chasing her.<br>\u201cI don\u2019t want you to hold back tonight,\u201d he whispered hoarsely, gripping her hair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith didn\u2019t respond. She kept licking \u2014 not just blood, but sweat, skin, even the sound of his heartbeat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou\u2019re not just biting me,\u201d Nathan moaned, \u201cyou\u2019re penetrating my soul.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m not drinking your blood,\u201d Lilith said hungrily. \u201cI\u2019m making love to you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>She knelt and bit his neck, pinning him. He didn\u2019t resist \u2014 instead, he clamped her waist between his thighs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No more words. Just groans, gasps, skin on skin, blood mixing with saliva, flowing into each other\u2019s mouths.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every wound was like sex.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After biting, Lilith sealed each wound with her mouth \u2014 not to stop the bleeding, but to <em>live inside<\/em> him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Every breath Nathan took felt like climax \u2014 waves smashing his nerves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Eventually, collapsed on the couch, he said:<br>\u201cDo you know how much I wanted to be inside you tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith kissed his collarbone, whispering:<br>\u201cTonight I want to drink you dry \u2014 till you\u2019re just a puddle of desire.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>No love. No redemption. No choice.<br>They coexisted \u2014 through sex, through blood, through addiction to pain.<br>One act of cruelty a day. Without tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The radio stuttered:<br><em>The deeper the pain\u2026<br>The nobler\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t want to save you,\u201d Nathan said. \u201cI want to rot with you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Finally, he grabbed Lilith\u2019s hair, forcing her to look at him.<br>\u201cTonight, don\u2019t just bite. I want all of you inside me.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He looked at her \u2014 no love, no pity. Just hunger, almost animalistic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith didn\u2019t resist. She took off her pants, straddled his throbbing erection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The moment she entered \u2014 Nathan cried.<br>Not from pain \u2014 but release.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He held her hips, thrusting forcefully, as if trying to fight death.<br>Lilith bit his shoulder, sucking blood while moving with him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Their rhythm was primal \u2014 two animals surviving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>With every thrust, she bit deeper \u2014 her fangs pierced a nerve cluster near his collarbone, nearly paralyzing him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He didn\u2019t care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At the moment of climax, he sucked her tongue, drank his own blood back, and kissed her hard \u2014 like mutual consumption.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That night had no foreplay, no caresses, no tenderness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Only <strong>piercing<\/strong>, <strong>penetration<\/strong>, <strong>devouring<\/strong>, <strong>orgasms<\/strong>, and <strong>losing control<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It was like tearing his soul apart and offering it to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Afterward, Nathan knelt on the floor.<br>Semen dripped from Lilith, mixed with blood, puddling between the old tiles.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He licked it up \u2014 without hesitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m no longer human,\u201d he murmured.<br>\u201cI\u2019m the monster you\u2019ve raised.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Lilith held him, silent. Then whispered in his ear:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Love needs no shame.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>You are the only ruin where I can live.<br>Even if you\u2019re no longer love \u2014 I still want you.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This artcile is translated from Traditional Chinese page.<br><a href=\"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/hk\/%e3%80%8a%e5%9b%a0%e6%84%9b%e4%b9%8b%e7%bd%aa%e5%90%8d%e3%80%8b\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/hk\/%e3%80%8a%e5%9b%a0%e6%84%9b%e4%b9%8b%e7%bd%aa%e5%90%8d%e3%80%8b\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Winter in Vancouver. The streetlights cast a misty frost, like a ghost from the past wandering in the quiet corners of the campus. Nathan hurried past the back door of&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":481,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/image.png","fifu_image_alt":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultures"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/05\/image.png?w=1024&resize=1024,768&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=476"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":484,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/476\/revisions\/484"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/481"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dovc.co.uk\/eng\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}